I have put away all the pregnancy clothes. It was time. I have folded them tenderly hoping to use them again sometime. I’m not sure if it feels like ages when I was with the womb or if it feels like it was like yesterday. It depends. Contradictory thoughts flow in my mind right now. And so I’m packing all those warm memories along with the clothes. It was great to be pregnant, magical, like being in a fairytale. But like in any story with some hard times too. Of course I would like to go through it all again, someday, but simply not yet.
Now all I can think of is Lucia. I can’t imagine a life without her. It’s amazing how much you get from these little creatures. I have my ups and downs, but whenever I’m not feeling my best I look at my angel, and somehow the sorrow washes away.
We started with the bottle a couple of weeks ago. I don’t know what happened, but out of a sudden I run-off of milk. I drink a lot, and insist on breastfeeding her, but there isn’t enough. She still latches right on, but gets all stressed as she doesn’t get much milk. And I can’t help feeling guilty. I am really sorry I can’t nurse her anymore. Not only for the benefits of the mother’s milk, but because it was a special moment between us, and also it was so easy and comfy. Now we are struggling with the bottles that have to be cleaned, sterilized, ready… But at least she wasn’t difficult with that; it seems like she didn’t mind the change. As long as she gets milk.
Lucia, I am so sorry I can’t nurse you anymore. I’ll keep trying, but I think we’ll have to move on. LU
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