21 weeks and 2 days

Since we are little, I think every girl dreams of the idea of being a mom one day. Maybe it’s not really in our minds at that time, but amongst our first toys there’s always that baby doll and its bunch of accessories. So far we all seem to enjoy it. I had one myself, “Nenuco”. I remember I had a bottle which he drank from, a potty to wee on, and he blew bubbles when you pressed one of the hands. I spent so much time playing with him. I don’t know if I ever give him name, I guess i did, but I can’t remember it…

Then you grow up, and the baby doll ends up somewhere in the back of your closet. Guess my mom gave it away.

Years later, you a start dating and suddenly being a mom becomes one of your first fears. You do everything it’s needed, and everyone wears what they have to wear, but still you’re afraid of those little buddies. So you take the pill, but still, you worry. I remember the first time I bought a test, I was so stressed. How many ways are there to pee on a stick? Still you wonder if you did it right!

Then, a day comes when you feel the call of nature and… naaa that's bullshit. One day you simply realize it would be great to have a little one around, someone half you, half him. That little person that will call you mom, and ask you things like “why so many of the children in his class had birthdays in September?” and you will go “it's cold in the winter. it gets dark early, so parents cuddle a lot. It's sweet, Xmas love”. Kids are hilarious, and I’m anxious to see mine growing, learning, surprising me every day.

Well, the truth is we don’t need winter to cuddle. May is nice too, anytime is good. And so here I am now, with a sunray growing in my tummy. I hope she’s warm and comfortable in there, as right now is freezing in Prague. She’s 360grms already and according to the last check up she’s doing just fine. It’s hard to explain it in words, but I’m so excited and scared at the same time. Frightened to do anything that could harm her and excited because it’s simply amazing to be able to conceive life… I’m going to be a mom… I’m going to be a mom.

Today i declare myself a new “panza mujer” (belly-woman), as my belly is getting rounder and bigger, i simply love it! Someone even asked me today in the tram if I wanted a sit, guess I can’t hide it anymore, nor that i want to.